Unspeakable
by Cassandra Mulder
Summary: Post- "The Indicator" Sydney only has one person left to trust.


Title: Unspeakable  
  
Author: Cassandra Mulder  
  
Email/feedback: Yes, please, cassandra_mulder@yahoo.com  
  
Written: November 4 - November 27, 2002  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Spoilers: "The Indicator"  
  
Summary: Post- "The Indicator" Sydney only has one person left to trust.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own "Alias" or any of the characters within. Unfortunately, not even Vaughn. *sigh* They all belong to J.J. Abrams, Bad Robot Productions, and ABC. No infringement is intended, I'm just showing my love for the best, most fun spy thriller   
on TV.  
  
Classification: General; angst; drama; Syd/Vaughn  
  
A/N: This started with a quick hit of inspiration after that lovely hug scene, and lost   
it's momentum somewhere in the middle. Guess the writer's block wasn't as gone as I thought. At any rate, I finished it, hope it turned out okay, and it's enjoyable.  
  
****  
  
He saw her standing there, drenched from the rain, crying, but he wasn't sure what   
about yet. Had she found out her father, the father she so recently had become closer   
to, had betrayed her? Or was it something else, some new crisis in her life, that he   
wasn't prepared to deal with?  
  
He didn't know the answer to either question, but all he did know was that she looked   
lost. More lost than he'd ever seen her before.  
  
Vaughn got up from his chair and quickly walked over to where she was standing,   
frozen, and put his arms around her. It was the only thing he knew to do. It was   
what instinct told him to do. It was what his heart insisted upon doing.  
  
She instantly fell into his arms, and they just stood there, holding each other for   
moments that felt like hours. He didn't know what to say, and she wasn't ready   
to say anything. He already knew that Sydney usually needed time before she   
could talk about whatever was on her mind. He knew she'd talk about it tonight,   
just not the exact moment she'd be ready.  
  
As they stood there, right in the middle of CIA headquarters, he stroked her back   
and was silent, except for the one time he whispered her name. He just let her   
sob out her sorrow. There wasn't anything else he could do.  
  
Finally, as he realized the stares they were drawing, he slowly stepped back and   
held her at arm's length. Sydney just looked at him, understanding, and let him   
lead her to one of the private conference rooms where they could be alone.  
  
Vaughn poured her a cup of coffee, and said something about a change of clothes   
that she barely heard. He was gone for a moment, and returned with a pair of sweats, explaining it was the only thing he had. He insisted that Sydney change into them,   
and then they'd talk. She was shivering too hard to argue.  
  
Five minutes later she was back from the ladies room, a little warmer, but still   
shaking. The fact that she might've been in shock crossed Vaughn's mind, but   
he'd have to get her to talk to him before he could determine that.  
  
He pulled a chair out from the conference table, motioning for her to sit down,   
and then he pulled out another one and sat it across from her. When he sat,   
their knees were almost touching, and he took both of her hands in his.  
  
"What is it, Syd?" he finally asked her. "Did you find out what your father did?"  
  
Sydney looked up, taking a deep breath quickly. "You know what he did?"  
  
"I know about the setup in Madagascar," he told her, not wanting her to think he'd   
keep secrets from her. "I was going to tell you, I just hadn't gotten the chance yet.   
Your father didn't want me to tell you, for obvious reasons. But he got your mother   
charged for something she didn't do, and he almost got both of us killed. I couldn't   
let that go.  
  
"Regardless of what else she's done, and we both know what that is, she's been   
more than cooperative since turning herself in. She led us to the 'Bible' and your   
father got it destroyed. We need her right now, so you need to decide what you're   
going to do about your dad."  
  
Sydney sighed. "I figured that out on my own. But that's not all. That's not all my   
father-" she spat the last word out bitterly, "that isn't the only thing he's done."  
  
Vaughn frowned, concerned, but uncertain of what to say.  
  
Sydney took another deep breath. "Apparently I was my father's first little foray   
into Project Christmas, at least on a hands on level. He experiemented on me,   
his own daughter. He used me," she paused, the tears threatening again.  
  
Vaughn was truly at a loss for words now. He realized what this meant, all the   
implications of Jack Bristow's operation, the fact that basically Sydney had been   
robbed of her choices in life.  
  
Knowing all that didn't make the information any less shocking. That Jack had used   
her was mind blowing. He was as angry as Sydney now, maybe moreso, for what   
he'd done to her. How could anyone...?  
  
He decided to try to calm down and back up for a moment.  
  
"How did you discover all of this, Syd?" he asked gently. "Did your father tell you?"  
  
"No," she shook her head. "I was hypnotized. I had myself hypnotized because   
there were too many pieces that just didn't fit in my life.  
  
"Now they do," she said simply.  
  
Like that puzzle I had no trouble putting together, she thought.  
  
Vaughn squeezed Sydney's hands a little tighter. "Have you talked to Jack about   
this?"  
  
She nodded, her eyes focused on their intertwined fingers. "I told him I'd never   
forgive him. I don't think I ever can. I mean, God, Vaughn, I was *six years old*."   
  
The once threatening tears fell quickly down her cheeks now.  
  
"How am I supposed to deal with the fact that he stole my life out from underneath   
me? I'm trying desperately to get out of this life, and I would never have had it in   
the first place, if it hadn't been for him experimenting on me."  
  
"I honestly don't know what to say, Sydney. I'm as shocked as you are... What   
your father did to you - what they're doing to all these children now, is unspeakable."   
He looked directly into her eyes. "But that's why we have to stop them."  
  
"I know," she said, trying to stop her tears. "I know that. But I'm so tired, Vaughn,"   
she heard herself say. It wasn't like her to completely break down like this,   
especially in front of him.  
  
She didn't want pity, but she needed someone to lean on. She'd already cried on   
his shoulder once tonight, and she'd found it to be a strong one. A hundred times   
stronger than she felt right now.  
  
Vaughn pulled her into his arms, which didn't take much effort, given their proximity.  
  
Sydney laid her head on his shoulder, and the tears came again, this time in painful, wracking sobs. Vaughn just held her shaking body, stroking her hair, and wishing   
there was something he could do. Sydney Bristow was possibly the strongest   
person he knew, but even she could only take so much.  
  
She held on tightly to him, trying to take deep breaths and calm herself, but it   
was slow going. She couldn't remember the last time she'd let herself cry that hard.  
  
Finally the sobbing stopped, but neither of them pulled away. Sydney still had   
her head on Vaughn's shoulder, her eyes closed, her breathing slower now.  
  
If there's a heaven, this must be it, she thought. If only she could stay here forever...  
  
But there was no use in wondering, because it was all impossible.  
  
Reluctantly, she moved out of his arms, her hands sliding down to join his again.  
  
"I must look like a drowned rat," she said, smiling slightly, trying to lighten the   
mood.  
  
Vaughn just gave her one of those lopsided grins of his and shook his head.  
  
They just stared at each other for a moment, as they so often did when neither   
of them knew what to say or do next. Their relationship became more complicated   
by the hour.  
  
It was Sydney who spoke first. "I'm sorry for barging in-"  
  
She was stopped by Vaughn's fingers on her lips. She blinked, speechless now.  
  
"Don't..." he said, taking his fingers away, "apologize."  
  
She looked down, embarrassed, but smiling now.  
  
"Anytime, Syd. You know that. Anywhere, anytime."  
  
She nodded. "I know," she said softly. "It's just not every day that I find out I had   
no control over my destiny and have a complete mental breakdown as a result."  
  
"It's okay," he assured her. "I'm just glad you came here, that you trusted me   
enough to tell me."  
  
"You may be the only person left I can trust, Vaughn," she said, her eyes full of an unimaginable hurt.  
  
He leaned in slowly and gently kissed her forehead. It was all he could do here   
and now, and maybe ever. He wanted to do something more, to erase that pain   
from her eyes, to heal all her hurt, her suffering, her seemingly endless misery.  
  
There were so many things between them, all not able to be addressed because   
of their unusual circumstances, their crazy lives.  
  
"I will never betray you, Sydney. You can trust me," he reassured her, leaning back.  
  
She nodded again, completely at a loss for words tonight.  
  
Some things, she realized, like the love, the bond between them no matter what   
life threw at them, truly were unspeakable.  
  
FIN 


End file.
